Dreams and Reality

Last night I had a dream, I was dreaming I ‘m in a beach with a group of people. My dream says they are my friends but I couldn't remember their faces or their names in the real world. Anyway, in my dream we are all singing and dancing. Each person takes turn in singing and dancing and when my turn came I was so frustrated because I couldn't sing or dance at all and everyone in the group can really sing well. So I walk away and went to a place far from my friends and just watched them from a far, sad and crying.

In reality my dream doesn't sound strange because in reality I couldn't sing or dance at all, I don't have talent for that. I often tell myself that when God pours talent to the world I was either sleeping or hibernating that's why I was not able to catch a single talent at all.

Today I found myself musing about t my last night dream. What bothers me most is not because of the fact that I couldn't sing or dance but the reaction I made. In reality I often react to the very same thing I reacted on my dream. I often withdraw myself not because I don't like the people around me but because I just don't feel like I quite belong- when do we ever? Or rather yet when do I ever belong? And in so many cases though I tried to plunged myself but people rejected me, so most of the time I have this dilemma and often than not I just choose to be alone and be with myself. I think that's why most of the time I'm branded as “person from planet Mars” (meaning alien) or I was called aloof. I don't deny the fact that I can be one or rather I am one but I behave as such for fear of being neglected again. Maybe I'm just not like other people who can blend easily with other souls. Maybe I'm just not that friendly enough. Or maybe I just choose to be true to myself rather than putting a mask and act like I know something or behave to like the people around me which in fact I really I don't like them. Much worse pleasing other people just not to be labeled us snobbish, brat, bitch- perhaps I shall always have that streak of aloofness in me.

Most of that time it's just so difficult to be normal- I just want to make the exception and live my own life exceptionally by being who truly am.

So there you go, my aloofness and my capacity to be able to stand on my own is therefore my talent. And I shall never consider a curse that I can think a thousand and one thoughts for under 30 minutes on a one way train ride to work for you can talk all you want and I'll just isolate my self and my mind- piece of cake.