Life Unexpected

Life is full of surprises. Some you don't want, others you want and even pray for it to happen. Life is unexpected. You wouldn't know what will happen the next day, next hour, minute or even second. Life is a constant of figuring out.

My life is full of "unexpected". Who would know I'll be a girlfriend to a friend of my ex-boyfriend? Who would know that I'll be marrying my boyfriend after 2 months of being together? And who would know that one day I'll be a mother?

You see as selfish, materialistic and ambitious person as I am, who would thought that I'll be venturing into this kind of adventure- motherhood.

So once and for all I'm writing it down here. Family, friends has been asking me how I am. Well, I am OK. Thank you very much. But here's the truth beneath that OK response and fake smiles.

Accidentally on Purpose?

How do I found out I'm pregnant? Well, I bought a pregnancy kit. But before that let me do some flashback first. I had my last period November and since I am always delayed I didn't worry that I never had my period last December. I went home for holiday, get drunk (and God forbid I couldn't even remember if I had a puff). Then I get back from holiday sick on the plane on my flight back. And it got worse, I feel nauseated and I still haven't had my period. DH insisted that I should buy the kit and I did.

I cried like I never cried before when I saw the double lines! Positive! I went to the doctor the following day to double confirm and it's still positive. I did not report to work for 2 days after I found out.

Literally I felt like in a dark place after. I feel mess. You see, I already made plans for this year. I thought I was a superhero, like Wonderwoman or something- with my uber fab DH, friends, career . Then suddenly I found out I'm pregnant and I'm a mess. A complete, total wreck. Everything about being pregnant leaves me in a confused state. I'm paralyzed with fear and worries. I could stay awake, having thoughts of "What have I gotten myself into?".

Don't get me wrong, I do love kids. I do want to have a kid. But get pregnant? Now? I never thought I become a mother just yet. The thought of having my own baby doesn't consume me. The reality scares me and saddens me.

Moving on...

After the shock I slowly accept that this is meant to happen. That maybe the God has some other plans for me. That maybe HE wants me to realize that motherhood is not the end of anything but a beginning of more awesome things to happen. So with cripple feet I crawled to the light again. And with the support of my DH he made it really OK for me. DH was unbelievably thrilled. His incredible happiness at this surprising/unexpected development and changes in our lives just filled my heart with anticipation.

Seeing my little Indigo happily swimming in there, kicking, and jumping it trumps the bad stuff. And now that it's really, really here against all odds we will make this things right. I'm holding with both hands on to this crazy ride.

Ask me now how am I and I can honestly tell you I'm OK except for the nausea and those pains everywhere thou.

Now that we're really into it, please breath a prayer for my safe, healthy pregnancy and for this little Indigo too.